What if the people that cross boundaries in our lives aren’t doing it intentionally?
Now, I’m not talking about people that intentionally test our limits. I’m talking about people that are close to us, and that we work with that might not know that they are crossing our boundaries?
If people genuinely don’t know that they are hurting us, then it becomes important to learn how to communicate our boundaries.
Why Setting Boundaries Is Important
We need to learn how to communicate our boundaries because we teach people how to treat us based on what we tolerate in the relationship.
If you always give in to people, they assume that you will always give in, and some will exploit that.
Sometimes people might take advantage of you because they know you have a hard time saying no. So, what do you do? You set boundaries to avoid feeling frustrated.
Don’t set yourself on fire trying to keep others warm.”
Penny Reid, Beard in Mind
So here are simple tips on how to start setting boundaries when you’re not great at it:
1. Start small. Set one Boundary at a time
If you struggle to set boundaries, don’t try to set many boundaries at once. Start with setting 1 boundary with 1 person.
Sometimes starting big might feel overwhelming, or things might not play out the way you expect and that might make you shrink back from trying again and we don’t want that. So rather start small.
2. Expect resistance from the people you’re trying to set boundaries with
When you’re trying to set a boundary you can expect resistance, and even anger from the person you’re trying to set the boundary with. Especially if they have been overstepping for a really long time. So, don’t be surprised if someone reacts in a way you don’t expect.
3. Don’t Let Anyone Make You feel guilty about setting boundaries
When setting boundaries, don’t allow someone to make you doubt your decision, and refuse to feel guilty about it. Remind yourself that you are making this decision because you know some relationships simply won’t survive without boundaries in place.
4. practise makes perfect
If you struggle with setting a boundary the first time and you feel like the other person didn’t really understand what you were trying to say, then try again.
Perhaps you might have struggled to bring your point across, perhaps you tried to sound nice and the person didn’t take you seriously. Do it differently next time.
Be sterner. Practice what you’re going to say. You can even send a voice note through social media if you’re afraid you might stumble over your words.
5. You might have to reinforce your boundary more than once
Another thing you can expect is to repeat your boundaries and remind the person that you were serious when you set the boundary the first time and haven’t changed your mind since then.
Worst case scenario is that the person won’t accept the boundary. This is where you can decide if the relationship is worth saving. If it’s a relationship that you can’t let go of, simply distance yourself from the person. You don’t have to walk away altogether but applying distance might be the best decision to make.
Keep in mind that if someone won’t accept your boundary, it becomes their problem, not yours.
Anyone who truly wants to be in your life will respect your boundaries. Period.”
TheGoodVibe.co
Now, get out there and start setting boundaries. If you stumble, keep trying until you get better at it.
I’m rooting for you.
“If you put up with it, you’re going to get stuck with it. Set the standard you want and don’t settle for less”
Dr. Steve Maraboli